Letting go

So it’s not really “letting go” it more like “accepting help.”  However, it feels more like letting go when you have done it for 11 years.

I have stayed home with the kids their entire lives.  You know, the whole 11 years that I have had kids.  If I did work, it was at places they could be with me.  I have worked either at home doing home daycare or ebay, or at places like the YMCA where they were with me, in the daycare.

Tim assures me he can help, and he has been great.  And so far I have only worked 3 days a week, and it will actually go to 1 day this week and stay that way for awhile.   The company just doesn’t have the hours for me yet, but they are coming.   And when they do come, it will be 40 hours a week.

Squeaky is in great care, it is the little things I am having a hard time with.  What did she eat for breakfast?  What is she wearing today?  Was she picked up on time?  What did the teacher say when she was picked up?

For Buddy, I had to miss his conference last week.  Tim was there, and says it went “great” but what is “great” to him?  And I know I can call or email his teacher anytime, but I like to be there at conferences…and this time, I wasn’t.

Bug had a field trip this week…I missed it.  I know parents who work miss these things all the time, I am just not used to it!  And she did tell me ALL about it, so I did get to talk with her about it.  Which may actually end up to be better.  We got to sit and talk about what she saw, and she seemed to have liked the one on one time we got that way.  (they attended a physics show at the university)

Accepting the help shouldn’t be so hard, but for some reason it is.  I really am trying!  It’s just those pesky little things.  I like knowing at all times that the kids are safe, and doing what they should be doing.  It’s hard when I am not the one picking up and dropping off.  I really can let go the piddly things like “what are they wearing today?”  However, with the older kids it’s the worry of “are they wearing their pj’s to school?”, and “Did they change their underwear?”

I know those things won’t be HUGE in the long run, but these are the worries that Tim doesnt’ have.  Or he doesn’t know he should have.  Maybe someone should write a “training” program for mothers who are beginning to work and fathers who are beginning to take on more responsibility!!